You really coming over, don't trick.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
