I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
