She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
