Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
