Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
