i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
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