remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
