who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
