new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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