I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
