We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
