Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
