I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
In America we eat man semen.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
