Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
