Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
