when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
