Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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