Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
