so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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