Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
