and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
