my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
