I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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