I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
