you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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