Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
