I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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