So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
