I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
