thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
