I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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