he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
