Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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