She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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