We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
