Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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