i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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