I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
