Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I could have mohawked her pubes.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
