haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
