I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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