Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just want nice things and good sex
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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