Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
how drunk are you?
Several
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
