Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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