My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
