my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
