So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
