he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
