Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
