Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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