I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
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I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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