I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
