I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
