so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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