Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
