New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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