i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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