Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
