No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
