Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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