He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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