mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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