Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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