I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
