he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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