So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
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I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
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I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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