Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
