I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
