I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
