lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
