Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
smell my finger.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
