A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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