you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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