Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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