I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
