Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
