I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
